#nonononononono absolutely not

[warmcookiepuff]

"What the fuck," Jason mutters under his breath as the strong smell of blood invades his nostrils. He dropped the pizza boxes, abandoning Roy and Artemis at the door as he bolted throughout his childhood friend's apartment.

His mind was racing. His heart was beating fast. He just texted you an hour ago while he was at the store, asking you what your favourite toppings were. What the fuck is this luck??

He stops and stares at the trail of blood leading to your door. His breath hitches.

"No," He starts. "No. Nono. No. Nonononononono--" He rambles as his hand gripped the doorknob.

He opens the door. His eyes widen like dinner plates.

"Oh. Hey!" You smiled cheerfully, breathing heavily as if you'd ran a mile. A dead man lays on your bed, a knife struck to his neck and stab wound on his stomach.

"Didn't care to knock?" You sigh, wiping the blood off your hands. "Sorry for the mess. Assassins, these days suck absolute ass. Can't imagine someone paying for bad service."

[klocreates2310-art]

It Takes Two to Tango - An AvM Fanfic

Inspired by a friend on YouTube

~~~

“Purple, do you know how to dance?”

The question was random. Like, really random. I had no idea what Red meant when he asked me this, so I just shrugged.

“My mama and I used to dance around the house when I was small,” I said, smiling fondly. “But I never really got into it. Why?” 

“Green wants to know,” Red said back, looking a bit smug. I ignored the smug look on his face as I raised my eyebrow.

“Oh, does he now?” I glared at him from across the room. I was chilling on their sofa, and Green, Yellow and Blue were over at Green’s piano, singing. Orange was sitting beside me, drawing in his sketchbook.

“He’s probably gonna ask if you want to have a dance off,” Orange said. 

I smirked. “If a dance off he wants, a dance off he shall get.”

“Ooh. I feel something coming,” Red said.

“Best better believe it, buddy.” I stood to my feet, striding over to where Green and the boys were. Green stopped playing when he saw me coming. 

“Did Red tell you?” he asked immediately.

I nodded. “I don’t mind a dance off, you know.” 

He narrowed his eyes at me. 

“Looks like you’re in for a bit of competition, Greenie,” Blue said, leaning against the piano. “I would join, but, well, ya know . . . I’m too good.”

Green’s attention turned from me to Blue. “Oh yeah? Since when?”

“Phht,” Blue scoffed. “Since, like, forever.”

Yellow leaned over to me. “He can break dance. Green can’t.”

I nodded. It made sense now. Green, with his usual competitive spirit, didn’t normally let anyone get better than him. So I could see the heat in Green’s eyes as he and Blue glared at each other.

“I guess we’ll have to see who’s the best then,” Green said, standing up. 

“I guess we will,” Blue said coolly, shrugging. 

After a few more moments of staring at each other, Blue and Green walked off to prepare. Yellow and I watched them.

“They’re not going to let this slide, are they?” I asked Yellow, and he let out a chuckle.

“That’s for sure,” he said. 

~~~

The music pounded through the desktop as Green finished his movements with flourish, landing perfectly on his feet. I sat on the sofa, watching, quite impressed. I knew he could sing and all that, but I didn’t expect him to be that good at dancing.

I clapped as the panting Green made his way to me, Red and Orange, who were “judging” the dance off. “Nice,” was all I said.

“Yep, we see it every day,” Orange drawled boredly. 

Green cast Blue a smug look as he sat down. “Top THAT, Blue.” 

“Oh, I’m gonna go over the top and through the roof,” Blue shot back. He stood in the center of the dance floor, and nodded to Yellow to start the music.

Blue was off in an instant, his moves professional and precise. I watched, entranced, by how swiftly he moved, his feet spinning underneath his feet. When he was done, He tossed his head at Green, his hair nearly covering their eyes. (Have these guys ever visited a barber to get their wild hair out of the way???)

“I’ll have to give it to you, Blue, that was impressive,” I said, clapping. Next to me, Green gave out a growl.

“That’s not fair! Blue’s natural dance style is break dancing!” he said. He slouched back, crossing his arms, cheeks red. “Maybe if I had a dance partner, it’d make my act better.” He was silent for a moment. As I watched him, his eyes widened with realization. He looked up at me, and I stood up immediately. I knew what he was thinking.

“No. Nonononononono. Absolutely not,” I said, pacing away. “Green, I can dance, but not with you!”

“Aw Purple, c’mon!” he begged, following me. “You’re gonna let my ego be bruised by that dancing blueberry?”

“I’ll let your ego be bruised and broken,” I said. I crossed my arms stubbornly. “I’m not dancing with you, Green. Nope.”

He glared at me. “Pretty please?” 

“You heard me,” I said, like a stern mother. But then I felt his green eyes literally drilling into mine, as if he could see right through me. The way he looked at me was nauseating, and I tapped my foot. 

“You’d be helping out a really good friend,” he coaxed. 

“You don’t need help,” I said.

“YOU did,” he shot back. 

Suddenly the room felt hot. I dropped my arms. “UGGHH! Fine! But just this once then we’re done!” 

“Thanks Purp! I owe ya!” He made finger guns at me and trotted away. “Blue! Get ready for round two!”

~~~

“This. Is. Ridiculous.” 

“Shush,” Green hissed. I stood next to him, stiff as a wooden board. “Relax. You’re going to be fine.”

“Easy for you to say,” I said back.

The rest of the Color Gang’s eyes were watching us, especially Blue’s. He leaned against the arm of the chair, his face almost as red as . . . well, Red’s. 

“I still don’t think it’s fair that you get a dancing partner, Green,” Blue said. “I didn’t get a dancing partner!”

“You don’t know how to dance with a partner, Blueberry,” Green said. 

“Well, I bet you I could try,” Blue said stubbornly. He stood and made his way over to me, and looped his arm through mine, pulling me away from Green. “C’mon, let’s beat him, Purp,” he said, grinning.

“Hang on, Blue, give her back,” Green said, and then pulled on my other arm. Blue’s grip on me tightened, and I jerked from Blue to Green. “She doesn’t want to dance with you!”

“Does she?” Blue shouted in retaliation. He tugged on my arm. “Right, Purple?”

“Wait, hold on a second, STOP!!” I cried, and Green and Blue stopped arguing immediately. I took a deep breath, rubbing my arms. “This is ridiculous! Guys, stop arguing! I agreed to a dance-off, but not a rip Purple’s arms off!”

Blue bit his lip and Green looked away.

“I understand that you’re both competitive,” I said. “But by acting this way, you end up hurting other people. So please, can we do something else? My arms are hurting.”

“Sorry, Purple,” Blue said quietly. Green said the same, his cheeks red, embarrassed.

“You’re forgiven,” I replied. 

Red watched from the couch, his eyes searching, curious.

“Wanna go find something to do, Red?” I asked. 

He nodded eagerly.

As he and I walked away, I could hear the others conversing about what to do instead of a dance off.

And when everyone heard Green's suggestion, they all walked away, leaving Green in the dust.

“Hey guys, a music competition is actually a good idea!!” 

~~~

Plus a bonus comic

[sammys-magical-au]

*if it was only Barriss who got buried on Geonosis*

Ahsoka: but we don’t want to kill her.

Anakin: no, we’re not going to kill her!

Ahsoka: isn’t this what kills her??

Anakin: no!

Barriss, from somewhere underground: what if that’s the only way for you to stop the separatists?!

Ahsoka: what if we have to kill her? *yells* ARE YOU CHILL WITH DYING? Wait! We’re not going to kill you!! Don’t worry about it!!!

Anakin: just go, go calm her down.

Ahsoka: *crawls up to a little hole in the rubble* listen, I’m gonna be honest; I am not a problem solver, by any stretch of the word, and I forgot to take my ADHD meds today, so reading that datapad screen- none of the information is being processed. *points at Anakin even though Barriss definitely cannot see him* He’s the big brain, so he’ll take care of it, rest assured. He’s an idiot, but he can read well, I’ll just make sure that nothing bad-

Barriss, absolutely distraught: MY LIFE IS IN THE HANDS OF AN IDIOT?!?

Ahsoka: nonononononono, TWO idiots!

[howlingday]

Schneeking Out

Setting - Knights/Princess AU. Jaune's a knight under the employ of the Schnee Royal Family. Ruby's an enemy of the state BUT is also dating Whitley. And it's DATE NIGHT.

Jaune: (Enters) Prince Whitley, you sent for- HOLY OUM! WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?!

Whitley: Oh! Jaune! Thank you for coming.

Ruby: 'Sup, Vomit Boy? How's the armor~?

Whitley: It's date night. Could you... cover for us?

Jaune: ...My prince, Ruby Rose is a wanted and dangerous criminal, for crimes as dead serious as treason! If your father, or heaven forbid, your mother-!

Whitley: Please, Jaune? For your friends?

Jaune: Er, w-well... I-I, well..

Whitley: (Sad puppy pout) Pleeeeeease~?

Jaune: ...NO! (Turns away) NO, NO, NO, NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! I can't allow you to leave, my prince! (Turns again) I'm sorry, but I- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEE!

Whitley: (Petals where he once was, Distant) THANK YOU, JAUNE~!

Ruby: (Carrying Whitley off) WE OWE YOU ONE, BUDDY~!

Jaune: (Softly) Oh no, no, nonononononono-!

Willow: Sir Arc?

Jaune: (Gasps)

Willow: Have you seen Whitley anywhere?

Jaune: Aaaaaaaaaaaah heh heh heh heh... Heeeeeeeeeh...

[witchofthesouls]

How does Borb!Annabelle behave when Ratchet gives her check ups? Or the Seeker!Lennoxes act as well?

It's an ordeal. To the point that Ratchet is constantly hassling for resources to replicate a proper medbay berth.

Out of the three, Annabelle had the easiest time since she only has two main data ports at her point of development. Even among advanced Cybertronians, rectal temperature is best for an infant.

The fact that said giant metal aliens had an asshole was a mindbender for humans. Saint Monica must have thrown the entirety of her patience and perseverance as a blessing upon Ratchet. Between the human peanut gallery, Lennoxes' confusion over basic anatomy, and Sarah's conflicting instincts, Ratchet didn't grind his denta to dust. (No. They don't shit. It's a medical port, so-)

However, Annabelle went last because she's tucked away inside her carrier, and it took a lot of coaxing and wrangling and hassling to get her parents through a basic checkup.

Will was doing okay at first. He was able to deal with the bizarre sensation of Ratchet inside his systems. Because of the lack of proper medbay equipment, Ratchet is doing everything by hand, so the medic is jacked into several data ports: one at the base of the neck, one in the forearm, and two along the torso. Will watched Ratchet reorganize his HUD, pulling up vitals, intakes, repairs, and a whole list of things so rapidly it blurred across his vision as Ratchet manipulates his frame: triggering microtransformations, checking seams, measuring the timing between slides. While Will was nauseous from the immense influx and restructuring, Ratchet triggered the mechanisms to open his chassis and spark chamber to do a visual check...

Will, formerly belonging to a squishy species that couldn't open their chest cavities outside of surgery, had understandably panicked.

Sarah bulldozed her way through the base because of the sudden terror and horror in her own spark, so there was one half-dressed Seeker hanging on the ceiling and one Seeker fighting Ironhide's and Optimus' combined bulk because they were aiming to subdue, especially since it was a bond-induced emotional backlash.

(Someone needs to teach them how to properly handle their bond, but that's another thing for another time. They're too new with everything.)

For Sarah, she had Will by her side to keep her as calm as possible. He's purring, and he's confused over the purring, but he's trooping through it because Sarah is clawing the metal of the makeshift examination berth from anxiety.

Ratchet, being absolutely careful not to make sudden movements and has mechs on standby, just in case the instincts overrides her again, had learned from his recent experience with Will. So he was telling her exactly what was going to be done.

Ratchet got treated to a bamboozled bird expression when Sarah realized he was able to communicate inside her head because his mouth wasn't moving, and she was able to do the same.

Sarah made an aborted squawk when her chassis was opened. Ratchet was treated to an avalanche of "nonononononono" from the connections and a drowsy, little newspark curled up inside the exposed sparkling hold. The Seekers were purring a storm as he finished off a visual inspection of her chassis, but Sarah had enough and couldn't go through the pelvic inspection. Not now.

Ratchet didn't fight it because he really needs that medbay berth for induced paralyzation since Sarah was close to flying up to the ceiling. Plus, Will needs one as well; between the short educational breaks, Ratchet had found out that humans typically have only one set of reproductive hardware that's a close mimic to Cybertronians.

Sarah, as a Seeker femme, may tolerate having two valves as it's similar to a human vulva, but Will may take issue that he has one as well. Granted, Seeker mechs don't have a gestational chamber, but humans seem to get highly distressed over the subject.

[teddybearsandspaceships]

I started taking notes about Cleo´s Hermitcraft stream from 7.6.2024, the one where Doc killed Cleo´s pig, back in June but ran out of steam about an hour in. By now the Twitch VOD is gone but it´s not been uploaded to Youtube (yet? fingers crossed), so I figured I´d just post what I have before I forget about it. Large parts showed up in videos but not all of it.

Cleo gifts Joe 8 diamond blocks, with over a stack of diamond blocks still in their ender chest, and explains that they´ve been trying to spend them shopping but then people shout at them for clearing out their stock

Cleo doesn´t want anyone to give them their firstborn child. It would not go well so let´s just not.

Foreshadowing: Cleo is going to work on their massive hole, but without a beacon. If Ren comes on, Ren can do a beacon. Two minutes later Ren logs on: “You called?” “OMW”

“The right amount of evil and the right amount of compassion, that´s me.”

Loving Ren is not mandatory, it´s just a thing that happens. Some people are very difficult to have a bad word to say against, “trust me I´ve tried.”

Ren arrives splattered on the ground.

Doc announced his visit with attempted anvil murder. He´s investigating a crime! Someone took deepslate diamond ore from one of his ores and replaced it with normal deepslate! Cleo is innocent but thinks it´s quite funny.

Suspects: Cleo suspects Etho. Doc and Ren agree Etho wouldn´t touch another man´s redstone, he knows boundaries. Cleo: “Etho knows boundaries, sure, sure, sure he does, mhm.”

Cleo says the only time they´re visiting Doc´s redstone is when he´s wronged them and they´re bringing a water bucket. (foreshadowing.)

Ren suspects Joe. Doc says he trusts Ren too much, while Cleo is always up to some shenanigans, but he should be on her good side because of the rainbow beacon. Cleo says that doesn´t mean she wouldn´t mess with him, but agrees, she wouldn´t do it unprovoked. (foreshadowing.)

Xisuma was on the server earlier, but Doc is convinced he couldn´t hurt a fly. Pearl was also on, but “she joined the redstone people now, she respects redstone.” Doc has no quarrel with False either. It´s coming down to the usual suspects, like Cub.

Doc is unhappy the people from Buttcrack Mountain are making a volcano because Doc announced he wanted to make a volcano weeks ago. Cleo knows nothing about this. This is proof Cleo doesn´t watch Doc´s videos. Doc´s videos are so long though.

More theorizing: it could have been Scar! Or Jevin, but he´s already pulled off an impressive prank this week.

Cleo: “Okay, all I´m saying is, neither of you can come at me for being overdramatic about anything after this.” Doc: “What do you mean, overdramatic? Cleo. Do you like this pig over there?” Doc walks over to Cleo´s pig sitting in a boat at the bottom of the massive hole. “Yes.” “Do you have any personal attachment to it?” “I mean, yes.” Doc walks over and MURDERS the pig with one swing of his sword!

Ren: *awkward laugh* wow…

Doc: “How did that feel.”

Cleo: “It feels like you´ve just earned my ire… and I need a water bucket. Okay! Ren, you´ve got iron, right?”

Doc: “Stop. I just wanted to…”

Cleo: Nonononononono, you started this, you started this Doc, I need iron or a water bucket.

Doc: Don´t, don´t, don´t…

Cleo, high-pitched: Or you´re gonna do what, you´re gonna kill my pig? Are you gonna kill my pig? Is that what you´re gonna do, or what?

Doc: Yeah well no, I just wanted to demonstrate how it feels to lose something that means something to you!

Ren: I´m just gonna… *slowly backs away*

Doc says the pig didn´t even have a name. “Look, you can have it back,” and he gives Cleo the porkchops. Cleo starts hitting him with a sword: “You´re gonna die, you´re gonna die, you are absolutely a hundred percent gonna die. You killed my pig, you don´t go after my pets!”

Doc keeps defending himself that it didn´t have a name and asks Cleo to stop killing him, and offers an even better pig. Cleo is mad and emphasizes that they even told him they had an emotional attachment, and Doc can´t bring the pig back, this pig that was launched into hell and survived. [Sidenote, I was shocked watching this live and again watching it for the second time. Cleo sounded genuinely mad, especially that Doc doesn´t even seem to realize what he did wrong, and for good reason tbh.]

Cleo: “I need a bucket of water. Oh I´m not even gonna go for the rainbow beacon, I´m going to your base with a bucket of water, this is fine.”

Doc: “No you shouldn´t.”

Cleo: Or what?! Or what?!

Doc: “I don´t think it´s an appropriate reaction to kill[ing] a pig to destroy weeks of work.” Offers a better pig again.

Cleo: “You need to learn that actions have consequences. I warned you.” They did warn Doc that he´d have to really annoy them for them to go to his base with a water bucket. Doc says he couldn´t have known that killing a nameless pig would be that. Cleo: Does it need a name to matter? Does anything need a name to matter?

Doc says again that he just wanted Cleo to understand the pain of someone messing with his redstone.

Cleo: Yes, now I understand the pain, but now I need revenge, Doc.

Doc offers that Cleo can kill his donkey.

Cleo: I want to destroy something that you love. Doc: I love that donkey. Cleo: Not enough, Doc. Not enough. You don´t love that donkey enough for it to matter.

Doc keeps digging himself deeper, saying he didn´t realize the pig was important, even though Cleo literally told him so. Finally: “I´m really sorry, I didn´t think it would be such a big deal. Um. Please don´t destroy my redstone.” Cleo: “I won´t today.” Doc: How can I make it up to you.

Cleo asks people to clip this because “I´m gonna have to do some stuff to make people understand why this is appropriate, what I´m gonna do.”

Doc says he was in emotional turmoil. Cleo: “Tell it to the judge. We´re gonna go take this to Bdubs.”

Ren: first trial! (He´s come back in the meantime and is building a beacon in the background.)

Doc asks for no retaliation until the ruling. Afterwards, it depends on the ruling. Cleo: “I need to speak to Bdubs, is what you´re telling me.” Doc: “No interfering with the judiciary.” Cleo: “That´s my son you´re talking about.” Doc: …wait, he´s my brother. Does that mean you´re my mother? Cleo: Absolutely not, would never.

Doc: Ren is like this child when the parents are fighting.

Doc: I´m really sorry, Cleo. Cleo: “it´s okay, don´t worry about it. But I´m gonna take it to the judge, and I´m gonna have a water bucket in preparation.” Doc gives Cleo sixteen anvils as a sign of peace (two from earlier.) Ren says he thinks diamonds are only appropriate. Cleo agrees, even though they have enough diamonds. Ren thinks a hundred diamond deepslate ore blocks would look really good in this hole. Cleo agrees. Doc checks, but he only has thirty left. Cleo tells him not to worry about it.

Doc laments his fate. “Next thing you know, I´m gonna blow up the server.” Cleo: “It wouldn´t be the first time Doc, it won´t be the last.” Doc: “Hey, I never blew up the server… anyways….” And leaves.

Cleo says it got their theater kid vibe going. “I enjoyed that, that was fun.” After Ren left: “That was cathartic. *laughs* What is going on in my life that this is my job.” Shortly afterwards: “How do I get into these situations, I genuinely – I don´t know.”

Chat shenanigans! Doc apologizes again, says he was in emotional distress. Joe says Doc is the picture of mental health. Doc says he will pick Joe as his lawyer. “he will kill it with a powerpoint presentation.” Joe doesn´t know what Doc did yet but it´s part of the intake interview. Cleo will represent herself. Doc says he has screenshots but will need eye witnesses. He blames the redstone thief. Cleo point out they didn´t do that. Doc claims self defense. Cleo points out they weren´t attacking him, and neither was the pig. Doc: “the pig looked at me funny” Cleo: “bucket of water is looking mighty tempting” To their chat: he´s going to talk himself into a bucket of water, he needs to learn to take an L.

Ren tries to plead the 5th. (Cleo says it´s going to be hurtful telling Ren he´s not on trial, he won´t know how to cope.) Doc in chat: “ren, as my husband, you can refuse to speak, all good” Ren: “perfect!”

Aaand this is as far as I got, about 56 minutes in. I remember someone (False?) saying “Happy Pride!” in chat, and then they went over to Skizz´ and Cleo hired Skizz as their lawyer and Scar also showed up. The “Ren and Doc are married” bit came up again in several streams in the next few weeks, but funnily enough was only mentioned in a single video, one of Skizz´. The result of these shenanigans were the trial and Doc´s skyblock adventures, which was fantastic. Doc and Cleo have long since made up.

[calicocatsarecute]

can you do kokushibo and douma tickle Akaza for payback then they ask if he would like to join the relationship with them please

OMFG YESSS! lee!Akaza is just the cutest!! Though I’m not sure if you are asking for a thr33s0m3 so I’m going to leave that part out. Hope you enjoy this!

Warning:Cussing

__________________________________________

“Kokushibooo!” Douma whined to his boyfriend. “I’m bored!”

“And, what do you want me to do about that?” Kokushibo answered him.

“I want to do something with you… but it also includes revenge on a certain demon!” Douma blurted out, smiling as he did so.

“You mean what Akaza did to you? Kokushibo questioned very well knowing the answer.

“I knew you’d get it that quick!” Douma beamed. “We’re going to tickle him back!”

“And why would I help you tickle him?”

“Because, I know you think he’s absolutely adorable when tickled too!”

Well he got Kokushibo there. He did think Akaza was adorable when tickled.

“Alright fine, I’ll help you.” Kokushibo sighed.

They both got up and went to look for the smaller demon.

“Akaza! Hi, nice to you!” Douma chimed as they found the smaller one.

“Douma… and Kokushibo? What are two doing here?” Akaza questioned.

“No reason.” Kokushibo stated walking over to the younger.

“Yeah yeah, likely story.”

“We just wanted to your cute face that’s all.” Douma said trying to sound innocent.

“Shut up.” Akaza turned away blushing.

“You know the cutest thing about you, Akaza?” Douma questioned the smaller demon.

“Not really, but what?”

“This!” Douma cheered as he reached out, and started scribbling his fingers across Akaza’s sides.

“W-wahahhahaihihihit! Dohohuhuma dohohohon’t!” Akaza giggled uncontrollably, kicking his legs.

“You know he is right Akaza. You really are cute when tickled.” Kokushibo said while scribbling along his neck.

“Nohohoho! Ihihi’m nohohot cuhuhute!” Akaza squeaked out, holding onto Douma’s hands like his life depended on it.

“Hey Kokushibo, I want try something!” Douma said cheerily.

“Alright, what is it?” Kokushibo questioned back.

“You’ll see…but I need you to keep his arms out of the way!”

At that, Kokushibo scooped up Akaza’s wrists and put them behind his head.

Then Douma put one of his arms on Akaza’s thighs so he couldn’t protect himself.

The smaller demon’s eyes widened as he saw Douma’s face getting closer to his stomach.

“Douma! Nonononononono!” Akaza shook his head desperately, knowing what was coming.

That’s when Douma blew the most obnoxious raspberry ever on the poor demon’s stomach.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NAHAHAHAH STAHAHAHAHAHAHAP! STAHAHAHAP!” Akaza literally screamed as ticklish waves coursed through his body.

Both Douma and Kokushibo smiled at the reaction they got from him.

“Nice going Douma!” Kokushibo praised, starting to go back to tickle the younger one.

“NAHAHAHAHAHA! DOHOHOHON’T ENCOHOUHURAHAHGE HIHI-AHAHAGHGHGHSHSHSDHD!” Akaza blurted out gibberish as Douma planted a raspberry on his stripes.

“That was new.” Douma giggled to himself at the random gibberish.

“IHIHIHIHIHIT TIHIHICKLESS!”

“We know Akaza.” Kokushibo blankly stated.

“AHAHAIHIHUHUFHFHFGHGHSHSK!” Akaza squealed gibberish again as another raspberry happened.

“Alright how about a deal Akaza?” Douma chimed in a question. “How about 5 more raspberries here then we stop!” Douma said pointing to his navel.

Akaza realizing that it’d take longer if he said no, so he nodded in agreement.

“ALRIGHT!” Douma cheered lowering his head.

“1…”

“EHEHEHAHAHAHAHA!”

“2…”

“MMHHHAHAHHAHHA!”

“3…4…”

“AHAHSHSDHDKHKHGHGHG!”

“5…”

Douma blew the final raspberry and then stopped.

Akaza curled up into a ball while in Kokushibo’s lap.

“You alright kid?” Kokushibo questioned while patting his head.

Akaza nodded.

“Hey Akaza, me and Kokushibo were going to go far a walk, want to join us?”

“Only if I can ride on his back.” Akaza huffed out a response.

“Alright, fine.” Kokushibo caved in.

Both of the younger demon’s smiled, and Kokushibo thought he was going to die of cuteness overload.

“Alright let’s get going then!” Douma said as they started off.

[riisada]

kenma absolutely CANNOT take mouth tickles at all. like yes hes a little ticklish sorta everywhere, moreso on his neck, but a NIBBLE?! a RASPBERRY?! oh hes gone.

hes squealing, thrashing, giggling, cursing, scrunching, just overall dying. his mind just goes blank when he gets tickled, and cant think of anyway to retaliate in the moment, so he just sits there and takes it.

"nonononononono"s and high-pitched squeals (which he finds embarrassing, but are very endearing) escape his lips as he thrashes about, cheeks red as roses.

he doesnt know whether to be flustered about the mouth or the tickles, so he just chooses both.

[lucky-flowey]

Okay okay okay okay no I'm not okay oooooof

So I've been obsessing over Hazbin Hotel. Absolutely psyched this is getting a show, even if it's just a bit for now. But then I get told that one of the main 6 is going to DIE?!?!?!? No nonononononono I'm actually sick with worry I don't want it. So many people have been saying it's gonna be Angel Dust and I'm terrified that it is But then I had a thought when watching the trailer with Charlie looking at the picture on the door and crying. There's hearts around the door which, yeah, could be something Angel would put around his room but you know who else has hearts in his style???? Husk! And I don't want either of them to die but can you imagine Angel finally making a real friend he can be vulnerable with and then he dies!?! But on the other hand Angel having all this progress and then dies I can't even I'm so worried new episode next weekend? I am biting my nails waiting

[annerly-san]

Till Death do we Part, my Ass! - Chapter 3 - "breaking news: you can’t marry your family - unless you’re in Alabama"

Summary:

Caleb pulls big brother ghost shenanigans to fend off any men within a 5 km radius of his little pipsqueak

A love and deepspace fanfic for Caleb

Chapter Navigation: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Alternative AO3 link:

Zayne was alright in Caleb’s books. At least he was.

But seeing Zayne with his little pipsqueak in these past few days had somehow manifested an absolute abhorrence of the man who was once his childhood friend.

“STOP WITH THE FLIRTING, YOU STONE-COLD ELSA-ASS MOTHERFUCKER-!” Caleb screamed, trying everything—absolutely everything—to smack that stupid snowman out of Zayne’s hands and away from his little pipsqueak, who had the cutest flush across her cheeks—caused by the cold, he assured himself, and definitely not Zayne.

“FIRST IT WAS THE DOUBLE LATTES—!” Caleb cried again in exasperation. “AND THEN IT WAS THE STUPID SKYLIGHTS! AND NOW IT’S A SNOWMAN?!”

Caleb watched in abject horror as his pipsqueak took the snowman from Zayne.

No.

Nonono.

NONONONONONONO!

“ANYONE BUT ZAYNE, PLEASE PIPSQUEAK!! PLEASE!!!!” Caleb wailed and flailed as he went through the vain motions of punching Zayne’s head.

Was Caleb grateful for Zayne being there for his little pipsqueak when she was down?

Yes.

Was he grateful for Zayne being there for his pipsqueak right now?

Absolutely fucking not.

Caleb could hear the wedding bells in his ears now.  The birds.  The bees.  The whole shabang.  He could see it so clearly- so vividly.  As kids, the three of them liked to play pretend and pipsqueak always dragged them into fantasy roleplay scenarios - one of which was one where he had to officiate a wedding between her and Zayne.

But now it wasn’t pretend anymore.

This was a nightmare coming to life before his very eyes.

“NO!  I want to marry Zayne today!” his pipsqueak wailed as she flailed about in their little make-believe wedding altar.

Caleb, in all of his maturity as an elementary schooler, immediately broke down in tears.

“B-but pipsqueak you said that you’d marry me-!”

“NO!”  Caleb got shoved aside- physically and metaphorically- to the ground as his little pipsqueak grabbed a blushing Zayne and dragged him up atop the dirt mound and stuck her tongue out at him.  “I AM MARRYING ZAYNE NOW!”

“NOO-!”

He wasn’t quite sure what had happened.

He might have punched Zayne.

He might have grabbed his pipsqueak, running through the yard as she kicked and bit him in an attempt to let her down.

He might have professed his confessions of love.  Maybe something along the lines of, “I’M THE ONE MARRYING YOU!  I’M THE ONE THAT LOVES YOU THE MOST!”

But he definitely got his little butt beat and grounded by Grandma after whatever fiasco ensued.

Caleb didn’t get into trouble too often; the troubles he did get into were small and didn’t warrant any severe discipline.   There used to be a joke that he was going to be a pilot when he grew up, always flying around the house at top speed- leaving a trail of laughter and mischief wherever he went.  Even in the instances where he did get grounded, the Caleb-plane would land at the layaway for an hour at most before taking off and flying around again.

But this time, the Caleb-plane was grounded indefinitely, and the house felt like it had lost its pilot. As if a total ground stop was ordered until further notice, the house was silent and still.

At first, Gran thought it was just a phase—Caleb sulking as he sometimes did when things didn’t go his way. But days passed, and his door remained shut.

Had his original punishment been for a week, it was cut short fairly quickly as Gran noticed that something was not quite right.  But despite being left off early from his discipline, Caleb didn’t move from his room.

Gran tried everything to coax him out. She knocked gently, offering his favorite snacks, telling him stories, even threatening to take away his comic books. But nothing worked.

Had Pipsqueak been upset with him before, it was all long forgotten.

He felt a bit bad at how worried he was making her, but the gripling feelings of hurt and betrayal ate at him overrode any thoughts of reconciliation that he might have considered.

“Caleb-” 

She brought him toys, games, and even his favorite apples - with lopsided smiley faces she had drawn out in, probably inedible and toxic, black ink.

Caleb successfully weathered the mad punches in his blanket fort and bombardments of projectiles, and at times full body slams, and never relented.  The Caleb castle was unbreachable.

“Gran!  Caleb isn’t talking to me anymore!!” he heard his pipsqueak cry out to their grandma.  “Does he- Does he hate me now??” Her voice became wrought with cries, and Caleb wavered.

Of course he would never hate her.

He resisted the urge to throw out his blanket and make up with her quickly - hating to hear her distraught.

But no he can’t.

He covered his ears to drown it out.

Hours of silence had gone by.  Caleb wondered if Gran had taken pipsqueak out of the house.

He came out of his fort.

There was a soft knock on his door.

“Caleb?”  He heard his Gran’s voice.  “I want to talk to you.  I’m going to come in, ok sweetie?”

Alarmed, he dashed under the covers right in time to hide as the door creaked open.

If he was still enough, Caleb was sure that his Gran would go away.

But she didn’t.

He felt her gentle hand on his back through the blanket.

“Caleb, sweetie,” his Gran started speaking.  “You need to tell me what’s wrong.  Why are you so upset like this?  This isn’t like you.”

He gave her the silent treatment.

“If you don’t tell me what’s wrong, then I can’t help you fix it, Caleb.”  His grandma gave him a few pats on the back.

Caleb thought about it for a moment.  Gran was right.  There was a severe injustice against him, and Gran didn’t know.  If he told her then she would surely help him make amends.

He threw the blanket down.

“Pipsqueak broke her promise with me!” he cried out - tears already welling up in his eyes.

“Oh, sweetie.”  He was pulled into a warm embrace.  “I’m sure she didn’t mean to.  We can clear this misunderstanding up.  What did she promise you?”

Caleb lit up.  His grandma would help him.

“She promised me that she would marry me!” he explained with optimism.

There was silence as Caleb stared into his grandma’s eyes - expecting her to avenge him for the injustice he was subject to for the past week.

His grandma broke out in tears from laughing.

Caleb was pretty sure that wasn’t a good sign.  His face flushed.

“W-what?  G-grandma why are you laughing-?!”

Five minutes of getting laughed at for no reason felt like an eternity and Caleb went back to his blanket fortress in confused embarrassment and anger.

He had to get coaxed out again.

“Why do you want to marry her, Caleb?”

“Well, obviously because I love her!” Caleb pouted, refusing to look at his Gran.

“There are different types of love, Caleb,” Gran said, gently. “You know how you love me, right?”

“...Yes?”

“But you’re not going to marry me, right?”

Caleb had to think for a minute. “...No?”

Gran smiled softly, pulling gently at the blanket he was shrouded in, trying to help him understand. “Exactly. There’s love that you feel for your family, and then there’s love that’s different—love where you might want to marry someone. What you feel for pipsqueak is the first kind. She’s your family, Caleb, and you love her like a sister.”

“She’s my family, but-!” Caleb started to protest, but Gran gently interrupted him.

“Even if she’s not your sister by blood, you think of her that way, don’t you? The way you look after her, the way you want to protect her—that’s what big brothers do. That’s how you love her.”

Caleb paused, the dots connecting slowly in his mind. A devastating epiphany started to form as his naive childhood longings were dashed from his hands, shattering before his eyes.

“So… I… I can’t marry pipsqueak because… I love her like a sister?” Caleb whispered.

“That’s right,” Gran confirmed, giving him a soft pat on the head. “And that’s okay, Caleb. That’s what she needs from you—just to be her big brother, to love her in the way that’s best for both of you.”

There was something twisting inside of him, a strange, uncomfortable feeling that he didn’t quite understand. He tried to push it away, burying it deep down.  It was like how he had hid an apple one time to make sure that pipsqueak wouldn’t eat it.  He had tucked it away in the back of his closet, hidden to everyone but himself, and it was buried under so many things for so long that one day when he opened the closet one day, it had ruined everything.  The once perfectly beautiful fruit had rotted and molded, growing and spreading spores into all the things in there and practically destroyed all the things he had in there.  And just like that apple, he buried his pure love for her, tucking it away under everything else—hoping it wouldn’t spoil, but knowing deep down it eventually would.

Gran’s voice brought him back to the present.  “As a big brother, you could just watch out for her and make sure that she gets married to a good person,” his Gran explained.

Caleb looked up at his Grandma.  He paused to think about it.

It made sense, he supposed.

“O-ok-” he muttered out hesitantly.  “I think I can do that.”

“Alright then.”  Gran stood up.  “Go make up with both of them.  You three were playing back then weren’t you?  Why don’t you be a good big brother and officiate their wedding?”

Caleb jumped up in horror.  “BUT GRAN I DON’T WANT PIPSQUEAK TO MARRY ZAYNE-!  I DON’T APPROVE!”

“Zayne’s your friend and a good person, Caleb,” his Gran admonished him with a firm tap to the head.  “Would you rather her marry a big bad kidnapper with red eyes instead?  An alien?  A fish?”

"'No,' Caleb muttered, once again defeated by Gran’s infallible logic.

Gran chucked.  “See?  So Zayne is better right?”

He lost the argument again--  muttering out a half-assed rebuttal-- but before he knew it, he was standing on the same damn dirt mound a few days later watching Zayne hold hands with his little pipsqueak as they wore stupid bride and groom costumes that was originally his and pipsqueak’s halloween costumes a few years ago.

Caleb was frothing at the mouth.

“Aren’t you supposed to say your line now, Caleb?” Zayne impatiently poked at him.  “Or did your small and smooth brain forget it already?”

He resisted the urge to punch Zayne again and locked eyes with Gran - who probably only came to make sure that Caleb didn’t try to beat up the groom again.

Caleb bit his lip and let out an exasperated sigh.

He lost.

“You may now-” Caleb gave Zayne the biggest stink eye he could muster.  “K-kiss the bride…”

He let out a sigh of relief as Zayne just stood there like the stone cold bitch he was.

But then he was practically jumped by pipsqueak who decided to help Zayne practice sloppily executed mouth to mouth resuscitation for medical school several years early.

Caleb fainted.

“Is this snowman supposed to be me?”

Caleb’s mind snapped back to the present. He shook his head, trying to shake off the memories. This wasn’t the time for a cute trip down memory lane. Pipsqueak was in the presence of a true heathen.

“THROW THAT SNOWMAN AWAY!” Caleb wailed. “GIVE IT BACK TO HIM—NOW!”

To his shock, it was as if his prayers were answered. Pipsqueak extended the snowman back to Zayne and placed it in his hands.

“Are you going to stay in Snowcrest for a while longer?”

Caleb let out a sigh of relief. “Thank god—” But it was too soon to celebrate.

“I’ll leave this with you then. Will… the snowman remind you of me?” Pipsqueak asked, a blush creeping up her cheeks as she cast quick, nervous glances at Zayne.

Caleb’s jaw dropped. “EXCUSE ME, MISSY—DID YOU JUST FLIRT WITH ZAYNE?!”

Zayne stared down at the snowman. “No,” he replied in his usual deadpan tone.

“Oh, thank god—” Caleb sighed, but Zayne wasn’t finished.

“However,” Zayne continued, “when I do think of you, I’ll just call.”

Caleb screamed, his voice echoing through the Arctic night, while the dazzling display of colorful auroras shone brightly above the three of them.

[itmeblog]

I FINISHED FOURTH WING AND I HAVE THOUGHTS

This is not a good book. It was an okay book and the last 100 pages were hell.

Somehow they got worse after they got together. I hated every moment of their flirting. I literally stopped and said eeewww out loud while walking down the street... multiple times.

I was robbed of Rhiannon's family reunion. I will never not be pissed about that.

Rhiannon is not a character, but she got realllll fucking close and that's why I'm upset.

I read a ton of smut to write Pax, absolutely nothing has given me the ick like some of the scenes in this book. (WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN TEETH???)

The writer thinks of sex as purely transactional and that makes me uncomfy. MC expects openness and emotional vulnerability in exchange for sex and is upset when she does not receive it.

I strongly suspect that this author is just bad at sex. I can explain, but you can just take my word for it.

I have no idea why the fuck the MC is mad at the end. I just don't follow the logic. She's not mad he lied to her, she's mad because it was easy for him to do so??? The fuck is that?!?! I'm calling bullshit.

There is so much heteronormative behavior... it wore me out. Like there's a gender hierarchy with the dragons, it's reflected in their relationship. She gets on her knees takes off his boots and undresses him to take care of him after a long day (this is a personal ick, just nonononononono). Idk if this was a conscious decision but she wants to take care of him he wants to protect her.

There are only so many red flags I can take in a man.

She marks a big part of her life by choosing two options represented by the two men who control her life. I can't dear lord.

[jhara-ivez]

No. Nonononononono. There will be no pigs, no monkeys or apes, and certainly no spiders on any item in my feckin shop. NO. They can ask me 200000 times. The answer is still No. Pigs are ugly and do not even taste good (in contrast to wild boars), monkeys and apes are arseholes and I despise them and spiders are just feckin horrifying.

Drawing any these animals will spark absolutely ZERO joy. I'm not sorry.

NO

[thestormsfloral]

... i may or my not be experiencing osmosis of gomens through you... ive been looking through asleepys au... and other aus.... and fanart.... IM NOT READY TO BE OBSSESSED WITH ANOTHER FANDOM OP. DO YOU UNDERSTANDDDDD

you have no idea what kind of shrill squeak of absolute elatedness I just made but it was LOUD afhgfdhgsfshydgsdghgdwje

ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh

*cackles, evilly* YESSSs IT’S S P R E A D I N GGGG-

AAAAA

*assorted happy screams! They come in a cookie box, the kind sewing supplies are stored in

…… actually imagine opening up one of those boxes and finding it empty but you don’t even get to notice that instead immediately you hear a bunch of happy autistic screaming/noises*

affhgcsdh

oh my gosh yesssss asleepyy’s au is so hecking good,,,,, so many amazing other aus as well and the fanart from this fandom is absolutely amazing & splendid and aaa & have you seen the animatics yet they are SPECTACULAR,, +the fan songs haven’t listened to much of those personally as of yet only one so far but it was devastatingly sad aghdgsf and it has. Gotten stuck in my head before. :)

nonononononono YES I DEFINITELY understand oh my gosh aaaaaaa SO MUCH YEAH YES YEAHH this is actually happening to me with a different fandom right now afgndcvhgsdfdhgsfdhgdfsdghffhdffghfsdhgffsdhgfghgddgjghjgjhgvjhfdgvjhfdgjvhfgdjhvgfdjhgv

Hopefully we get to keep all of the fandoms new and old that we want to affhgdsvhgsdvhcsvgdhgcv,,,,,,,,,, I shall hold on best I can to mine I send you good luck aghfhgfdhsgd

*more general excited noises*

[fallingawkwardly]

Julan: Do you even need to ask? The real question is whether he already drank it before he got to the airport. FYI, it is a genuine in-game behaviour of all Morrowind NPCs that they will drink bottles of alcohol in their inventories when entering combat (e.g. with an airport security guard). (it's because their AI recognises that something like sujamma boosts strength.)

Shani: Doesn't want to drink it, but will "accidentally" drop and smash the bottle on the floor so airport staff have to clean it up. Shani has no solidarity with airport workers who are just doing their jobs. Shani's morality hinges entirely on whether someone is a.) nice to her or b.) mean to her.

Gonna do some Chymicalia characters below the cut even though only like, 3 other people know who they are.

Anna: Without breaking eye-contact, chugs the whole thing, after arguing loudly with airport staff and demanding to see the manager. Spends the entire plane ride drunk-messy-crying that she's become an oppressor of the working class, and, worse, turning into her mother.

Bern: Tough one. Unstoppable force (Bern's hatred of waste, love for alcohol and anti-authoritarianism) meets immovable object (stubbornness and self-discipline re: not drinking, also knowing nobody will buy the excuse that he "had to" drink it, and he will be in big trouble with several people). Might depend how self-destructive he's feeling that day, and who else is around to keep an eye on him.

Nimone: One of the more experienced flyers here, would be annoyed with herself for not remembering the rules. Unless she was sure she was in the right, and then she'd be reading them chapter and verse from their own regulations. Alternate scenario: she predicted this issue, and is annoyed with herself that her plan to smuggle the bottle turned out to have a fatal flaw, and she got caught. Nim thinks rules are important, but also, it depends on the rule. Certain rules only exist for bad people, so she shouldn't have to abide by them, because she's not going to do anything bad! She can't handle getting told off, though, it's unbearable, so there would need to be a very good reason to risk breaking a rule. Either way, she's unlikely to be carrying alcohol unless it was a gift, and she definitely wouldn't drink it, as she hates being drunk.

Voss: Absolutely drinks it, but getting himself paralytically drunk turns out to be a blessing. Having never flown before, it subsequently emerges that Voss has a catastrophic fear of flying, and full-body sedation is the only thing preventing him from having a huge meltdown and getting removed from the plane before take-off. Enclosedspace+restraint+nocontrol+can'tleave+unknownlocation+obeytherules+stayinyourseat+followtheseinstructions+can'tbreathe=NONONONONONONO.

fun character exercise; which of your OC’s would chug a bottle of liquor rather than give it to airport security

[fictionkinfessions]

Oh no. Oh nonononononono. Absolutely NOT. This is the worst thing that could possibly happen to me. What am I even supposed to do with this fleshy disgusting human body? Feed it? Wash it? Make it work? Disgusting. I hate this. I hate the ones who caused this. I am terribly unhappy.

And worst of all I want Chell.

How dare she be a part of my thoughts, making me suffer even after I'm already being tourtured by all of this.

Ugh.

-A Newly split and forced to front Glados Fictive #⚪🩸⚪

2

[sunshinejins]

I’M DEACTIVATING